ups and downs

I’ve been working really hard to stay in the moment.  I’ve been trying not to worry about the future or the past.  It is what it is, so they say.

It’s been pretty hard the last few days, though.  Ya see, last year we moved into a really great house on the college campus that DH and I work for.  We’d hoped we could stay in the house until our older two graduated from high school 6 years from now.  The house is in a great, but VERY expensive town.  We couldn’t live in this town and have the kids go to this great school if not for this house.

But we found out that they’re turning our house into office space next year. (*sob*)  So.  We’re looking at another move.  I mentioned in my “Friend” post that since we got married 15 years ago, we’ve lived in 11 homes in 7 states.  I’m so tired of moving.

I’m tired of making my kids switch schools.  I’m tired of wasting all that money on boxes, truck rental, rental deposits, etc. etc.  I’m tired of never knowing whether we can stay long enough for me to know whether I’ll have enough time to learn how to trust someone enough to become their friend.  I’m tired of never feeling settled.  I’m tired of wanting a place to really  call HOME.

Oh sheesh.  Thanks for letting me get that mini-tantrum off my chest.  I’ve been working VERY hard on being in the moment.  THIS moment we’re here.  THIS moment we’re together in this house.

I have to practice “radical acceptance” with what seems like every breath.  I just want to fall into a big heap on the floor screaming like a nap deprived 3 year old “It’s not fair!” 

Thank you “jim-wandering” of wanderingtheworld.com and your post called “Radical Acceptance” for this quote:

“By accepting the truth of change, accepting that we don’t know how our life will unfold, we open ourselves to hope so that we can move forward with vitality and will.”

OK, big breath.  Put your big girl panties back on and deal, accept radically even if it is with every breath!